Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Barangkali hanya awak yang faham

Di pinggir aur itu,
seorang pemancing tua.

Lalu aku cuba berempati - cuba untuk menjadi dirinya.

Aku digigit nyamuk,
Masaku terbuang,
dan aku kesunyian,
jauuuhh di luar kota Sheffield.

Yang berteman,
barangkali hanyalah monolog,
Monolog yang jika ia tidak dipandu,
Ia liar bersama-sama bisikan setan,
dan keluhan berat seorang gagalis.

Ya benar,
bahawa alam terbentang itu 
Teman seorang pemancing.
Desir kerikil, deru angin, sahutan unggas,
Harmoni simfoniNya,

Tapi apalah ertinya jika sukma gersang?
Jika cinta ini tidak berputik?

Sampai ke sudah kailku tidak mengena.
Jauh-jauh aku melemparkan pandangan,
Melatari petak ladang yang berbalam-balam.

Apakah aku sudah berempati?

Kata orang,
‘Kalau kail panjang sejengkal, jangan diduga lautan dalam’

Aku ingin mencuba,
Meski kita ingin mengenal, jangan hanya di tubir kalam.

1500: South Yorkshire.


Anonymous said...

PMB tu apa Fiffy? xx

Anonymous said...

I didn't know there are mosquitoes in the UK. Huh. Turns out they're also called gnats - I like that name. Don't know why, but it sounds more vicious (and befitting their blood-sucking nature, ha) than 'mosquitoes'.

Anyway, empathy is a very interesting subject. What kind of empathy did you feel for the old man, I wonder? Was it more cognitive, or was it emotional? Were you trying to see the world from his eyes - wise, but wistful and weary of life? Or did you just envy his peace?

Hm, but I don't think you have to worry. Empathy makes you grow as a human being, and reach out to others. It helps you relate and reflect on yourself, too. Of course there's the whole thing about neuroscience proving that psychopaths lack empathy and parts of their brains failing to activate and all that. (Not very relevant, but extremely intriguing, I'd say.)

Oh, and you know what? If there's one thing I've learnt about love, it's that it grows at its own pace. It's never forced. As long as it's there (and I'm sure it's there), you'll be all right.

So there. All is well. You shared a beautiful piece of your mind in the form of writing, and I guess waiting isn't always wasting after all, eh? No fish, beautiful words - fair enough. You did good. So here - xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
(Gave you extras. You gone cross-eyed yet? Haha.)

nazrinafifi said...

Anonymous 1: kalau nak tau, sila pm ana di facebook aher aher =P

nazrinafifi said...

Anonymous 2:

I am not sure that empathy can be distinctly felt and categorised..? I believe it is a feeling which summarises one's sorrows, happiness and perhaps one whole life moments; often indescribable, yet easily understood. I don't know. What are your thoughts?

However, if there is a single, outstanding expression that I would've realised by empathising that old chap, it would be his waiting conflict. And (probably), it was on this very conflict I came upon this random poem by the lake. Ok lah I admit it wasn't 100% random pun as I've my internal conflicts as well, of which just me and an anon knew, ergh.

Anyway, thank you for dropping by this post. I appreciate your views on how you learnt about love. I am unsure, however, of the part 'waiting isn't always wasting after all'. Would you wait, if you were in my situation? (No, do not answer this question)

ps: it feels surreal; waiting for you to reply to this comment. Wait I shall ;)

Tak larat dah nak tulis banyak2 xx. Sekali cukup la kot. Untuk awak sorang >.<


Anonymous said...

Oh my, this is going to be a very lengthy comment. Brace yourself.

Hm, your description sounds a lot more like the feeling 'nostalgia'. Or perhaps not. I don't know an awful lot either, but from what I've read and understood, empathy has two components; cognitive and emotional. Cognitive is when you imagine yourself as the other person, know what they feel and what they might be thinking. Emotional, on the other hand, is when you feel what they feel - "vicarious experiencing of another's emotional state". Maybe what you felt was a mix of both?

I'm really sorry, but I'm really bad at explaining. Never good with words. There are lots of sources out there, but I found this paper particularly useful and not too difficult to understand, if you'd like to know more -
It's also long and I don't expect you to check it out.

The waiting conflict - well, isn't fishing all about waiting and patience? I've only ever gone fishing once, on a school trip. The experience was.. hm, a mix of excitement and frustration. Excited at the possibility of catching fish, and frustrated because I never caught anything - the fact that I could see them swimming past (the water was clear) made it even more frustrating. Though I suspect it might have to do with my using a piece of bread as bait, while others used worms. Hm. (It's discrimination, I tell you.)

I wrote 'waiting isn't always wasting after all' in the context of fishing - the time you spent waiting didn't go to waste, seeing as it made you think and observe and produce a beautiful piece of writing afterwards. I'm going to go ahead and answer your question anyways, I'm annoying like that - yes, I would wait if I were you. Fishing is a waiting game, and if I chose to go fishing in the first place, it means I'm a willing player and I shall be all adult-like and wait in peace. However, I get the feeling that this is not what you asked me about, is it? Did you mean 'wait' in a different context? I might have missed your point entirely, I can be slow at times.

I think perhaps you should make peace with the fact that I'll linger around here for a while longer, unless it becomes taxing for you to read my comments. If - when - that happens, all you have to do is tell me so and I'd be gone (not entirely, maybe back to a silent reader) before you know it. :) xx

nazrinafifi said...


Don't go away. At times, I think I miss your rambling comments. Please 'stay'. =) xx

Anonymous said...

You did not answer my question, so I've noticed. I apologise if that meant I've gone beyond what I'm allowed to. I shall hold my peace.

... Is something troubling you, by any chance? If so, I hope it will get resolved as soon as possible.

Well, it's nice to know that you'd want a faceless, nameless nobody like me to stay. Such a kind soul. Thank you.

nazrinafifi said...

It's okay. It's not that I don't take questions from strangers (or even someone I knew) lightly, though.

Anyway, thank you for hoping the best for me. I am in a sort of a waiting game (hence the poem), and I am still unsure of letting things go or be proactive or let time decides the best, or... there were actually many probabilites of me getting the catch. Ok dah merepek.

Lastly, stay virtual. Stay anonymous. I might need a psychological lab rat (keji gila) to gauge my sanity. Haha. xx

Anonymous said...

You are? Oh wow. No wonder you seem.. distracted. Troubled.

Now I understand. Well, I kinda did before, but I didn't want to seem too creepy or anything, so I answered the question superficially. Allow me to answer it again - it depends. Waiting is a form of torture. I calculate, I measure and I reason - then I make my decision - whether there's actually a real chance of me catching it and whether it's worth the wait. Unfortunately for me, it's always the wrong person or the wrong time or both - so I can't say as much - I'm inexperienced as it is. I do have my theories and opinions, but knowing myself, they're probably twisted. (shrugs)

If I were you, I'd probably re-watch Naruto and you know, bask in the glory of its awesome storytelling. In fact, I'm doing exactly that right now because I can't sleep (and I have things to forget, too) and it's frustrating me.

Oh hey, another mini essay for you. Geh, didn't mean to write so much. Anyways. Ask me whatever, I'll try my best to be the #1 lab rat for you, woohoo.

(Aaand all the best, Romeo. *winks)

Anonymous said...

I forgot to add these in my haste - xx

p/s: and you know the code word to ward off another essay of mine coming your way. (It's bye - just in case you forgot)

nazrinafifi said...

Oh, kipas-susah-mati Naruto keeee..? Same here. But I only read manga. I don't watch its anime.

Dah kenapa pulak aku Romeo? -.-

Anonymous said...

Hardly. Never a die-hard fan of anything. I'm fairly new to the fandom, so the novelty hasn't quite worn off. Yet. The characterisations are great, so I sort of fell in love. Heard it's ending this year. :(

Well.. people say boys only ever have 2 problems that bother them enough to show - women and money. I suppose that one couldn't really be in a waiting game with money, so we're left with the only other option. Hence Romeo. Haha. My best wishes are sincere.

nazrinafifi said...

Good analysis, but pfft, I'm a no-gamer when it comes to women, ha!! I will not explain why, though, so that the waiting game interpretation in this blogpost could be analysed in varying degrees. Especially when one should think of their death often ;)

Just in case you're wondering what would I do IF I am a Romeo in this waiting game (and this Juliet is something) ;

"Aku ingin mencuba,
Meski kita ingin mengenal, jangan hanya di tubir kalam."


Anonymous said...

A clever dodge, but I won't be fooled. Ha. (You shy? At your age this is normal, y'know. Just saying.)

I hate to admit this, but I don't really get the last line no matter how many times I read it. Seems simple - but that's the thing - I'm too used to complexities. A shame. I get the gist of it anyway - so bravo Romeo, don't go killing yourself when you aren't even sure Juliet is really dead.

.. This is fun. A much needed source of distraction. Thank you. xx

nazrinafifi said...

I've been using Prof Lim Swee Tin's method in producing this poem - observing nature around the lake, jotted thoughts down, and relate them with a subject (which, in this case is an old fisherman). He (Prof Lim) lectured me one-on-one for about an hour on how to master this method, back then in Malaysia.

The method is simple, but I think I am still struggling on relating observations into a context, which is why, I am not surprised if one does not get the gist of this piece in one go. Simply said, I failed to put things in the right context and let people read between the lines wrongly. I am not sure as well whether this open interpretation is okay or a bad thing.

My last line has to do with a relationship thingy. Orang tua2 kata, "kalau suka katakan suka, tidaklah hamba ternanti-nanti". Juga, "Sayang Allah, solat-solat. Sayang Nabi, selawat-selawat!"

Aaand, why would I kill myself if I'm not sure Juliet is dead? I'm sorry I can't comprehend this line.


Anonymous said...

I see, that's nice to know - you even have a mentor - I'm impressed.

Everyone perceives things differently, so I think open interpretation isn't a bad thing. Most of the times, anyway.

Hm, "kalau suka katakan suka, tidaklah hamba ternanti-nanti" is kinda flawed. This only applies if both parties feel the same. If you like someone and told her so but she didn't like you back, would you regret telling? Would you take the chance anyway, knowing what you have now (like a comfortable friendship) would be jeopardised, and you'd lost whatever you have now? It is a question I've been pondering upon for a long time now.

Because, darling, if I remember things right, Romeo killed himself when he thought Juliet was dead (she wasn't dead). It's a rash and immature thing to do - even in the name of true love. (I think it's obsession rather than love, but that's just what I think.) xx

nazrinafifi said...

Ambo pun lamo doh duk mmikir soaley tulo.
Relo amik risiko atau buat bodo.
Bokali tak guno meluoh atah dasar raso,
Bilo x brapo kkeney, biar dibowok maso.

Walaupun sedak dibowok kkiro kes 'mutual feeling relationship' antaro manusio, tapi bukeylah hok ni hok ambo nok highlight (hikhok why laa i'm beating around the bush). Ambo x sure kalu awok pehe ke dok bendo nngarut hok ambo tulih ni, but thank you again, deep from my heart, sbb sudi berkongsi raso. Jarey benar kalu ambo nok bekecek kiro laguni, except to my saing2 jate. Mujo jugok awok ni anonimes; i ain't got any risk to lose, even starting to like you in secret muahahaha (gelak keji). oh crap. xx

Anonymous said...

*correction (previous post) :'d lose whatever you have now
Gosh, I can be really bad at times.

I'm not sure I understood everything you wrote, (oohh, they rhyme but they're not pantun. Do a haiku next time!) but I get the general idea. You can beat around the bush for as long as you like, I get it anyway. I can kinda see what you're hiding - because I've been hiding the same thing for so long too, you see. It isn't ridiculous. So it's okay. It's okay. You don't have to say any more. :)

"except to my saing2 jate" - did this mean you'd never consider me as a friend? Well I know I'm more like a talkative ghost or whatever, but still. That hurts, man. Haha. Either that, or you're sure that I'm the opposite gender (which I seriously doubt you can tell).

Anyways, my sincere best wishes still stand. Because in the end, He always knows what's best. So have faith, (you Romeo) :) xx

nazrinafifi said...

Not bad. Awok buleh pehe Kelate. I'm impressed.

Romeo lagi. Not again. K fine. Will you be my Juliet, if I am a Romeo? *tersedak kelat* xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Anonymous said...

Ha, do I get extra brownie points for understanding your loghat?

Do you know the story? It's a tragedyyy. We're both going to die (stupidly, if I may add) if we're Romeo and Juliet. I like my happy endings. And why am I Juliet, anyway? What if I want to be Romeo? What if I'm Romeo? Ha.

(A piece of advice for you sugarbunny - never say a line like that unless you're serious - like being on your one knee serious - because otherwise I'm seriously concerned about your body's safety - like maybe you'd get chidori-ed to oblivion by the offended party. Hey, women these days are strong, you know. Just saying.)

Am I a bad influence for you? I'm worried. Maybe we should stop? Say the magic word. xx

nazrinafifi said...

Nahh.. I am not easily swayed. In fact, I am more afraid with my ability of influencing people, dragging someone into my course of conversation - often tricking others to think that I'm sincere with my statements. Each question I ask, each sentence I typed and each psychology play I put into words, was none other than a mere test (of course, with a few exception); by putting a degree of an expected answer.

Now, I may sound like a psychopath, but I assure you not to worry. My psychological lab rats are my great friends in reality, and my Genjutsu is always weak to trick someone's genius like you. Also, my dear darling, I don't think I have any specific party to get offended with my line, unless you take it seriously (but I doubt you would).

Oh yes, understanding my loghat is definitely a plus point ;D Should we stop? Maybe - at least for now, as our comments have gone far from the intended discussion of the poem. xx

Anonymous said...

I knew my judgement wouldn't fail me. You're just fantastic for a partner to discuss and argue with - I like psychological games. Well, guess what - game's on. (smirks)

I'll have you know that the line threw me off the track for a couple of seconds, you cunning sweetpie. Of course I didn't take it seriously, after all someone smart like you wouldn't fall for a ghost. And I'm flattered, but I'm afraid I'm no genius - don't get your expectations up too high.

Then, I shall take my leave now. It has been fun, talking to you. I don't do promises, but maybe I'll annoy you again with my words next time. We'll see. Oh, and sorry for going off-track with the discussion.
Till then, stay safe and stay warm. Bye. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
(extras to make up for all the time we'll be apart, aww.)